I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
