There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
