So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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