Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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