Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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