DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
