all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
