38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
