So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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