Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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