the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
