I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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