You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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