On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
