Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
