Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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