In the future we'll all be gay
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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