no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what day is it and did you see me today?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
