Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
