I will die if light touches me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
