my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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