I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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