ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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