i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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