Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
