Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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