i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
