She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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