If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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