So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
