Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
