party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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