Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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