1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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