is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
