didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i now understand why vodka
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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