The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
