It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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