I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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