We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
