God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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