she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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This is my gift to your gina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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