The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
