I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
