im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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