So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
