I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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