We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
