I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if only i could text you this smell
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
