now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
