I am puke
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
