We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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