I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
