so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
