I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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