She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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