we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
