hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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