so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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