Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
