He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
