sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to calm my uterus...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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