just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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