6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
