none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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