i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
