two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will pee on everything he values.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
