i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
