My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize