Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
