i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
